Friends, I say this with all compassion: Some relationship issues simply will not be resolved.

“I do not understand how we got here.” My confused voice was calm as I spoke to the leader over the phone. “I’m not sure how it has come to this, but I want to understand. Can you help me?”

“Mel,” the leader replied, anger evident in his voice, “If you do not understand, I cannot help you.”

“I’m sorry. I feel like there must have been some miscommunication along the way because this isn’t adding up. Can we back up and look at it again? Hello?” I suddenly realized I was speaking into dead air. A leader I had worked closely with for two years and who I deeply respected had just hung up on me.

I slumped onto my couch as tears ran down my face.

The Reality of Ministry Leadership

Leading in ministry is often filled with deep joy. In the best of times, it draws us closer to Jesus as we partner with Him, filling our hearts with a profound sense of fulfillment. But because we work with people, it can also be fraught with relational strife and confusion. At times, a fellow staff member, parent, or volunteer may become distant or even angry with us.

We may not understand why, or worse, we may fully understand but find them unwilling to move forward.

When we’re hurt, it is easy to get caught up in the pain—replaying conversations, analyzing words, and feeling the sting of rejection repeatedly. But I think we can all agree that rarely accomplishes anything. As followers of Jesus, we are not called to carry the weight of unresolved relationships alone.

Friends, I say this with all compassion: Some relationship issues simply will not be resolved. I know that doesn’t feel good, and I know the frustration that comes with it. There are times we must move on and work toward healing even when the issue hasn’t been resolved.

Healing When Reconciliation Isn’t Possible

Healing doesn’t always mean restored relationships, but it does mean restored hearts. God can do deep healing within us even when reconciliation isn’t possible. When reconciliation isn’t in our hands, we are not helpless. We serve a big God who invites us to come to Him.

1. Give Your Pain and Frustration to God

“Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” —Psalm 55:22 (NLT)

God invites us to bring our pain and confusion to Him. We are loved by a God who always welcomes us and delights in hearing from us. Go to Him with your sadness, anger, and frustration, and let Him carry it. Personally, I often journal everything out and then give it over to God. Take it to Him, friends.

2. Choose to Forgive

“Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” —Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

You may never be asked for forgiveness by the person who hurt you, but you can still forgive. Forgiveness does not mean what happened was okay or didn’t hurt. Forgiveness does release you from resentment. I have found forgiveness to be an ongoing, intentional act. As the pain resurfaces, I give it back over to God and choose to forgive again. And sometimes, I do it all again the very next day.

3. Remind Yourself That God Knows

“The Lord is watching everywhere, keeping His eye on both the evil and the good.” —Proverbs 15:3 (NLT)

God sees the hurt you have endured. He is not blind to injustice. He sees and knows. It is His job to bring justice, not yours. You are not alone.

Self-Reflection for Growth

I firmly believe I am not perfect and do not always handle things well. With that in mind, I try to be quick to self-reflect when relationships or situations turn sour. I seek guidance from trusted mentors and ask myself these key questions:

1. What part of this should I own?
   I have yet to experience a situation where I was completely blameless. Even in situations where I had done very little wrong, I have always found something to own.
   
2. What can I learn from this?
   Ideally, I am growing as a leader and follower of Jesus. When situations are particularly difficult, I often come to a deeper understanding of how the Holy Spirit works. I always have something to learn.
   
3. What should I do?
   Should I apologize? Set up a meeting? Write a letter? Be silent? I want to ensure I am leaving space for reconciliation because it does indeed take two. What, if anything, do I need to do?
   
4. Am I holding onto things I need to let go of?
   This is perhaps the hardest question. For me, the answer is almost always yes. I want to believe people are good, kind, and fair, but just because I wish it does not make it so. That does not mean I should carry wrongs or sins that are not mine to own.

Trusting God with the Outcome

This topic is far deeper than a simple blog post. Hurtful situations where reconciliation is not possible are incredibly painful. I have spent significant time in therapy processing many of these experiences. In fact, the man I mentioned at the beginning of this article was a dear friend. I wanted him to remain a dear and trusted friend, but unfortunately, he chose to believe a lie about me. Instead of talking to me, he made his own decisions and refused to have a conversation. To this day, our relationship remains broken.

I have ached over it, cried about it, and wrestled with confusion, but I have finally released it. None of it has been easy, but I love Jesus even more because of walking through it with Him. God never wastes our pain, and He is always at work. I cling to the truth of who Jesus is and keep moving forward. I would rather be in the center of God’s will, doing ministry, than be bitter and angry.

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.'” —Matthew 11:28 (NLT)

Find deep soul rest in Him today.

More Encouragement from Melissa J. MacDonald

• How to Create Space for Kids to Lead
• Ministry Leader, God Was Made for This—Trust Him
• Serving People When They’re Hard to Love
• 5 Things to Remember When Ministry Gets Hard
• When Kids Walk Away from Their Faith
• Created for Wonder: How to Recapture Wonder in Your Life
• Spiritual Formation in the Church, Home, and Community
• How to Welcome Families and Engage Kids in Big Church
• Take a New Grip: Encouragement for Children’s Ministers
• The Importance of Faith Formation in Your Volunteers

Caring for Your Soul as a Ministry Leader

You may have one of the most responsible and influential roles in the church. Most times, you’re thankful. But there are other times your body is exhausted and your spirit lonely. If YOUR soul is weary, start here.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Caring for Your Soul as a Ministry Leader

You may have one of the most responsible and influential roles in the church. Most times, you’re thankful. But there are other times your body is exhausted and your spirit lonely. If YOUR soul is weary, start here.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Caring for Your Soul as a Ministry Leader

You may have one of the most responsible and influential roles in the church. Most times, you’re thankful. But there are other times your body is exhausted and your spirit lonely. If YOUR soul is weary, start here.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Easter is my absolute favorite. And I think it’s because it’s had the most impact on my spiritual walk—from Ash Wednesday to Resurrection Sunday.

And what I have found to be the most important way of posturing myself to help kids talk to and listen to God is to experience something. Spiritual practices or disciplines help believers to be intentional in their time with God.

What are spiritual practices?

When you hear the words ‘spiritual practices,’ what do you think of? In Adel Calhoun’s book, The Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, she describes spiritual practices as, “A place where we begin to notice God and respond to His word to us simply to keep company with God.”

Spiritual practice, simply put, is time spent with God. It’s time spent with God in an intentional, yet Spirit-led way. It’s not a program, it’s a practice. It’s something you’re invited in to. We’re simply meant to set the table for kids to keep company with God.

How are we making space for kids?

The word contemplation or contemplative comes up quickly when thinking about spiritual practices. But instead of thinking kids simply are quiet, it means they are having a prolonged thought.  

I like to remind myself that it’s more about slowing down, not about complete silence. It’s all about helping kids notice God and providing space so they can. That means physical space and space of time to slow down.

Why are these practices or disciplines important?

Well, a dear friend of mine told me about metaphor that her spiritual director used to help explain the importance of intentional spiritual practices. And this is what she said. “So, the Christian life is like being on a boat in a river. When we choose to walk with Jesus and accept Him as a leader in our lives, we step into the boat. So we’re in the boat and because of the Holy Spirit in us, and while God’s amazing grace, the river’s current carries the boat down the river. So we’re moving, but we can do more than passively ride the current. We can put up the sail and the Spirit’s wind will carry us farther and more swiftly. Engaging in spiritual practices is like putting up the sail.”

When we participate in spiritual practices, we keep company with Jesus through intentional habits and practices, and we submit to the Holy Spirit to power our journey.

Spiritual practices are a way for us to slowdown so we can join God how and where and when and why He wants us to journey.

What does it look like to make space for spiritual practices or disciplines?

Physical Space and Time

Making physical space and time leads to slowing down. In this space and time, we’re going to engage wonder and curiosity by allowing kids to use their creativity—their imaginations. We aren’t going to tell them what they must do—we’re going to ask questions that invite them to explore for themselves. 

We believe there is no junior Holy Spirit. God can speak to our children here and now where they are.

Set the atmosphere that allows them to listen for God.

Plan, But Program Minimally

Make a simple plan. You might want to include Scripture, images, music (whatever you’re using to engage their imaginations), and questions. Give space for kids to answer and explore and follow where the Lord leads.

We’re in the season of Lent, when we set aside time to pray, fast, and give. It’s the time leading up to Easter where we prepare our hearts for what Jesus has done. That is what the posture part of this is. How are we preparing ourselves? What might the season look like for the ministry you lead? It’s about setting aside time to be with God. How will you intentionally set aside time for kids to be with God?

Invitations to Respond

I’m following a Creative Companion for Lent. One of the quotes from yesterday hit me. “Lent is a time to acknowledge those things that take our attention away from God.”

Now, I’ve heard that before. That wasn’t something brand new to me, but it took on new meaning yesterday when I was reading that and thinking, “What are the things taking my attention away?” And so I thought about that, and I prayed about that and I said, “God, what is it that I need to fast from? What are the things that are taking me away from you?”

What is taking your attention away? And what could you replace it with? Maybe something from today will be something that you can try over the season of Lent for yourself or for the kids in your ministry. Maybe you’re in a church that doesn’t observe lent in a traditional fashion. That doesn’t mean we can’t all be preparing our hearts for Easter, right? We’re preparing to celebrate the resurrection.

I want you to also remember that it’s not about what is being produced, it is about the space that you’re providing for response.

The invitation to respond is the time we provide our kids is to spend time in God’s presence. That’s what it’s about.

How do I do this?

Help kids know God and respond to Him. That’s the focus. That is your benchmark. But how?

Choose things that kids already connect with. The kids in my ministry love talking about Legos, Minecraft, and Fortnite. And I will engage with them using those ideas and ask them to draw what they would hope God would see about their character. Would you create what you would look like as a character from _______ and tell me what God would see in you?

They then create these characters, and they tell me about them.

I would want God to see how much I care for people.

We have also used Legos to create prayer walls. We build our wall, and then we write on the Legos with dry erase markers so we can reuse the Legos. You could draw on them and write prayers.

Making spaces for kids to connect with God takes some trial and error. Okay? What works well for one child, doesn’t always work for another. Some other ideas you can try include the following:

(Watch the webinar for how-tos and ideas for each of these things.)

• Silence
• Reading Scripture
• Drawing Prayer
• Playdough Creations
• Breath Prayers (Breathing in and breathing out God’s truth, God’s Word)
• Movement Prayer/Prayer Stations
• Journaling
• Wondering Time
• Art Reflections
• Sensory Prayer Bins
• Poetry
• Sacred Play

Let’s proclaim to the world that children are followers of Jesus.

One Sunday we did paper airplane prayers. Everybody all ages wrote prayers. Then they folded their prayers into paper airplanes and launched them into our gathering space. After the prayer planes flew, each person went and got someone else’s paper airplane and took it home with them to pray that week for the prayer that was on that paper airplane.

Was it chaotic? Yeah. Was it worth it? 100% because we engaged in godly play in a new way.

So, if you have kids who make paper airplanes every week, turn it into a prayer practice. It’s so fun, and it’ll change your perspective.

There are so many things we can do like this that invite kids in through things they enjoy as they experience God.

How might you start? What ideas from today could be the beginning for you to incorporate spiritual practices in your children’s ministry? What could be something to help prepare the hearts of your kids and your volunteers for Easter?

For more Easter ideas, check out this article!

The Easter Storybook Coloring Pages

Need coloring pages for your family or the families in your ministry? We’ve got you covered in our new resource download from Ministry Spark, The Easter Storybook Coloring Pages.

Download your coloring pages

Free Activity

The Easter Storybook Coloring Pages

Need coloring pages for your family or the families in your ministry? We’ve got you covered in our new resource download from Ministry Spark, The Easter Storybook Coloring Pages.

Download your coloring pages

Free Activity

The Easter Storybook Coloring Pages

Need coloring pages for your family or the families in your ministry? We’ve got you covered in our new resource download from Ministry Spark, The Easter Storybook Coloring Pages.

Download your coloring pages

Free Activity

Check out these podcasts for encouragement, ideas, and healthy conversation.

Like books, podcasts are a great way to learn and grow as leaders. And even better, most are on-demand, free, multitasking-friendly, portable, and filled with community aspects! Here are some of the top kidmin and ministry podcasts to encourage and support you in the Church.

And while this isn’t an exhaustive list, we believe you’ll like the encouragement, ideas, and healthy conversation for kidmin and ministry in general that these podcasts offer.

8 KidMin and Ministry Podcasts You Need to Know About

The INCM Podcast

Updated seasonally, the INCM Podcast focuses on different topics to help you as a children’s ministry leader. In spring of 2025, they will be partnering with our team at David C Cook to discuss spiritual formation and children’s ministry.

Host: The INCM Team
Listen Here

The KidzMatter Podcast

On their website, the KidzMatter team invites you to join Ryan Frank each week as he interviews respected children’s ministry leaders. This podcast was created to help you gain valuable insights and inspiration for your ministry journey. 

Host: Ryan Frank
Listen Here

Stained Glass Kids Podcast

New in 2024, artist, songwriter, and author Yancy launched a podcast for those who grew up as pastors’ kids. Yancy says, “Through raw, redeemed, broken, and honest interviews, we bring light to the darkest parts of our stories as PK’s and ministry kids.”

If you grew up as a PK, this one will encourage your heart greatly.

Host: Yancy Wideman Richmond
Listen Here

Raised to Stay Podcast

Natalie Runion has a heart for the church and a passion for raising disciples who stay.

She created this community, including the podcast, to encourage those who love the church, even after they’ve been hurt or wounded. It’s her desire to continue loving Jesus and His Bride, and to encourage others to do the same.

This podcast is for those who have stayed, and those who have wandered. Raised to Stay is a call back to Jesus.

Host: Natalie Runion
Listen Here

The Vault Children’s Ministry Podcast

The Vault Podcast features the Hillsong Kids team talking kidmin from Sydney Australia. All about children’s ministry, this podcast makes you feel like you are part of a team.

Host: Hillsong Kids
Listen Here

The Kidmin Huddle

As a children’s minster for over 17 years, Amber shares that kidmin is her life. Her website and podcast are created to encourage and equip children’s ministry leaders. With more than 90 episodes, you can search and find exactly what you’re looking for.

Host: Amber Pike
Listen Here

Kids Ministry Collective Podcast

This weekly podcast features interviews with children’s ministry leaders. The Kids Ministry Collective team also shares reviews and ideas about resources to help leaders grow along with their ministries.

Host: Kids Ministry Collective
Listen Here

Child Discipleship Podcast

This podcast is focused on helping you help kids form lasting faith in Jesus. With new episodes weekly, this podcast gives insights and offers solutions for ministry and families.

Host: Awana
Listen Here

Also Check Out Ministry Spark Webinars!

Created for ministry leaders, we host 8-10 webinars a year. The topics range from leadership encouragement to empowering your volunteers to choosing a curriculum. In these free webinars, you can hear from ministry leaders just like you.

Join us soon or watch a replay at MinistrySpark.com/webinars/.

It is so easy to get bogged down in the lesser things: the busy, the overload of gifts, and the constant tug to meet the many expectations. So, let’s pause. Take a deep breath. And dive into leading well this holiday season.

Let us support you as you support the families you serve!

5 Ways to Lead Well During the Holiday Season

1. Focus on people, not programs.

The holidays can be a heavily programmed time of year.

Depending on your church, you may not have much of a choice outside of driving the program during this season. But that doesn’t mean you have to put people second. In all your interactions, planning for the programs, and so on, always keep the needs and concerns of the people you’re serving top of mind.

Seek to invest in those involved, not just use them to fill a spot in the Christmas play.

And if you don’t have to focus on programs, find a fun way to love on your people, give them rest, or support them during this time. Spread love and joy and the good news of Jesus this holiday season.

2. To lead well, keep your family above your ministry.

The demands of the season can be many. I hear it all the time:

• “But I have to be at the church …”
• “It’s my job …”
• “The (insert program here) would fall apart without me …”

While each of those statements might be true, it can’t be the excuse for giving your family second best.

We can’t offer specific ideas on how to solve this issue except this: figure it out with your family. What is important to them? What are things you can do together? How can you bring them alongside you when you have other responsibilities?

What is important in your life gets your time and attention. Your relationship with God and your family should never be shadowed by your ministry—even in the chaos of Thanksgiving and Christmas (and the New Year).

Celebrate Advent with Ornaments and Coloring

Inside this download, you’ll find 25 illustrated ornaments celebrating each day of Advent and a Christmas coloring page!

Check it out

Celebrate Advent with Ornaments and Coloring

Inside this download, you’ll find 25 illustrated ornaments celebrating each day of Advent and a Christmas coloring page!

Check it out

Celebrate Advent with Ornaments and Coloring

Inside this download, you’ll find 25 illustrated ornaments celebrating each day of Advent and a Christmas coloring page!

Check it out

3. Don’t be a grinch. Bring joy to lead well this season!

Stress is real, and it hits most of us in waves this time of year. It’s a well-known fact that the holidays can be one of the most stressful times of the year, and leading in ministry isn’t excluded.

It can really wear you down.

For most of us, getting worn out means we start fighting attitude problems, perspective problems, and peace problems. Be aware of this and what your “buttons” are. Stay focused on setting the tone with your attitude and not letting those buttons get pushed.

Being a grinch during the holidays will likely cost you some leadership influence in the New Year.

4. Be sure to celebrate the season personally.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are not only for the people in your church … they are for you!

It’s a time for thankfulness, reflection, and the wonderful celebration of our good and holy Savior coming to earth. It’s an opportunity for you to worship the King of Kings.

Be intentional about carving out opportunities to celebrate these truths personally. That might be making sure you get to the services with your family. It might mean you find some private worship time. It might mean taking a few minutes daily to walk through a holiday season devotional.

Your own personal celebration can take many different forms. Be intentional and celebrate!

5. Capture momentum heading into the New Year.

The holidays can be an enormously profitable time in sharing a great vision for the future. Good leaders are always thinking beyond the present, and the holidays are no different.

Think through questions like:

• How can you capture the joyful spirit and translate it into momentum in the New Year?
• What relationships can you deepen that you can draw from after the holidays?
• What spiritual investment can you make in the life of a parent or leader that you can continue beyond the season?
• How can you maximize the giving spirit to encourage people in making a tangible investment in the vision of your ministry?

Leaders find a way to not only enjoy the season, but also use it to influence the future. Take time to do that!

In all these things, look to God to fill your cup as only He can. He will help you lead well this holiday season. Trust that He will fill you, and overflow in you so that you can love others well, even in the middle of a stressful, overloaded season.

Amazing Ideas for the Holidays

• Thanksgiving
  • 36 Thanksgiving Games, Crafts, and Snacks to Delight Kids
  • 10 Uplifting Ways Kids Can Bless Others This Thanksgiving
  • 100 Useful Gifts That Say, “Thank You, Volunteers!” (With Free Printables)
• Christmas and Advent
  • Over 100 Christmas Activities for Your Children’s Ministry
  • 10 Easy Ways to Engage Families this Christmas
  • 43 Colorful Christmas Crafts to Celebrate Jesus’ Birth
  • How the Hopeful Anticipation of Advent Draws Us to God
  • The Birth of Jesus (Elementary Lesson)
  • Names of Jesus: Messiah (Elementary Lesson)
  • 10 Simple Advent Wreath Ideas That Will Make Your Classroom Beautiful
  • How to Lead Your Kids’ Ministry Through a Beautiful Advent

How do we lead with the gospel at the center of everything that we do? This is something that we all agree is important. But I think sometimes the gospel can be lost because of the busyness of our schedules. The tyranny of the urgent can sometimes shove it to the periphery of what we do.

It’s important for us to remind ourselves of the things that we know to be true.

First, I want you to know that I’m not going to get into the details of what your vision should be. Vision should be contextualized to the church that you lead and the pastor you serve. The vision for your ministry needs to be centered on the things that your church believes to be true, and the things that your pastor strongly believes your church is called to do.

But today, we are going to talk about those things that are true of every church. No matter where you are, no matter what church you find yourself in.

3 Steps to a Gospel-Centered Children’s Ministry Vision

First, your gospel-centered vision has to be distinctly Christian.

We can sometimes accommodate culture to the point where our message is no longer Christian. So the first thing I would say is your vision has to be distinctly Christian. This is simple, but it’s necessary. Do we properly proclaim God as Father, Christ as Redeemer and Advocate, and the Holy Spirit as Helper? One way we can be faithful to the message of the gospel is to be explicitly trinitarian. We talk about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in the messages that we teach and proclaim.

That’s where we must start. The things we’re going to be talking about in our lessons and in our vision need to be focused on the person and work of the Holy Spirit as well as the person and work of Christ in our lives, as ordained by the Father.

Secondly, we must avoid Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.

The term Moralistic Therapeutic Deism was created by Christian Smith. Moralistic meaning primarily producing good kids. If the goal of our ministry is primarily producing good kids, we’re missing the mark.

If that’s primary, it’s therapeutic. And if we’re mainly concerned about the feelings of our kids, then we’re also missing the mark.

I think sometimes in our right desire to reach people, we try to focus on feelings and producing good citizens. But as a Church, we are called to write lessons and to preach messages that are uniquely Christian. As a result of being uniquely Christian, we are to point to the person and work of Christ as ordained by the Father, and the Holy Spirit points us back to the work of Christ over and over again.

Thirdly, we must be relentlessly focused.

As leaders, we want to be focused on discipleship over entertainment. For us to be a gospel-centered church, our desire must be focused on the formation of faith in the life of kids.

Therefore, it’s important that we teach every week in a way that children are becoming more and more like Jesus. What I’m not saying is that we shouldn’t be engaging, that we shouldn’t be creative, that kids shouldn’t have a great time.

However, what I am saying is that we teach these truths of Scripture in memorable, age-appropriate, engaging ways. The goal is not fun. The goal is Jesus.

Making an Impact in Your Children’s Ministry

Why Your Curriculum Matters and How to Choose the Right One
This guide was created to help you dive into some of the topics facing your ministries today and lead into why your curriculum matters and how to choose the right one depending on your needs.

Download Your Guide

Free Guide

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

Free Guide

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

Free Guide

Don’t get caught up in the wrong things.

What you see in the Bible is that we so often get caught up in the wrong things. But in the Bible, when shepherds count their sheep, it’s not to compete for the biggest flock, it’s because they want to know who is missing.

Unlike Scripture, we typically count to see how many are coming.

But are you showing up in the family? Are you showing up? And are you being present? Are you pastoring the sheep that God has placed in your care? Who is missing?

This is what’s true of a five-year-old heart and a 95-year-old heart: they want to be completely known and totally loved. The beauty of the gospel is it makes the mundane profound, right? Because of the gospel, we understand how we’re loved.

The Word of God goes deep in the hearts of kids. And it shows them what God’s love is like. It reveals to them what God’s love is like. God takes the small gift of my faithfulness and makes it into something far more beautiful than I could ever imagine.

When our ministries are centered on the gospel, everything flows from that.

More from Sam Luce

• WATCH: Casting Vision: Staying Rooted in the Gospel
• WATCH: The Importance of Sharing a Personal God in Children’s Ministry
• God Is Personal: Why Story Matters in Children’s Ministry
• What Did Jesus Think About Kids and Why Does It Matter?
• Why Thanksgiving Is an Important Response to God’s Gifts
• How Can Leaders Cultivate Wonder in a World of Incessant Distraction?
• Parents as Primary Source of Discipleship in the Home
• Telling Your Children the Truth in a World of Sorrow and Pain
• I’m Still In: A Response to Leaders Leaving Their Faith
• How to Smuggle the Gospel through the Imagination to the Heart
• 5 Things Your Pastor Would Want You to Know about His Kids
• Why Kids Need to Know the Old Testament
• 4 Powerful Things Every Parent Needs to Hear from You
• How to Give Kids Faith They Grow Into, Not Out Of

That is only 2% of their time. Which means 98% of the time they might not have anyone influencing them toward Jesus. What in the world are we supposed to do about that?

The people who have the most influence on the kids in our ministry are, of course, their parents. So maybe the answer is to minister to and influence parents too.

“That’s a great idea, Kristi. But I have no idea how to do that!”

I hear you. Finding unique ways to engage and influence parents can be difficult. What works wonderfully in one church may not work at another. Each church’s culture is different, each congregation is different, every parent is different, and every child is different. So, finding solutions that work perfectly for everyone can be challenging.

But what I’m finding to be true after 20-years of leading children’s and family ministry is that every person needs to be validated and valued.

Validate and Value Parents

That’s been true in my own life. For most of my life, I found my value in the approval of others. I wanted to feel accepted or feel like I belonged. Or at least like I was not alone. Oh…you too?

That need for approval manifested in many areas of my life, one of which was my parenting.

During much of my parenting, I was determined to have children who were obedient, kind, and lovers of Jesus. That sounds noble, right?  The problem, however, was that my motivation was about what others thought of me, not what was best and right for my kids.

Because I found my value in the approval of others, I needed my children to reflect what I thought would gain the approval of others. I also found that the areas I was least equipped in were the areas of parenting I struggled the most and felt the least qualified.

But once I was able to live fully in the identity that Jesus gives me, I have become better able to lead others for the right reasons. (And I dare say, with a much better outcome.)

What does this all have to do with ministering to parents? And how does ministering to parents, minister to their kids? I’m so glad you asked!

You likely have a fantastic curriculum in place, and you have all the volunteers you need (well…hopefully) to produce an amazing program on Sunday mornings that teaches kids the Bible. But that alone isn’t enough. We need to minister to parents as well.

Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

1. Love Children

First, let me encourage you. If you are loving a child, welcoming them, or calling them by name, that alone is ministry to a parent.

To know that someone loves and adores their child and makes them feel known and valued is precious to a mama’s and daddy’s heart.

2. Get to Know Parents

Second, minister to parents by taking time to get to know them. You obviously can’t have an intimate relationship with every parent, but you can have close connection with many. You can take them to coffee and listen to their story. Just think—you may even find out the source of little Johnny’s struggles on Sunday mornings.

And although you can’t always fix problems for little Johnny (and neither can they), you can encourage them in trusting God and in their spiritual walk as you pray with and support them in different seasons.

When a parent knows that you understand and they are not alone (and they are not going to be rejected because they shared their story with you), it gives them an incredible sense of value, encouragement and support. This is what Jesus did, and it will give them a better perspective from which to parent.

3. Invest Spiritually

Thirdly, minister to parents by finding unique ways to show them the importance that their own spiritual life has on impacting their child’s spiritual life. You can even use a child dedication class as a time to begin the conversation with parents about their role in the spiritual development of their children.

Give them a simple tool that helps them understand the unique needs (both spiritual and physical) of their child at specific ages or provide them with a children’s storybook Bible that they can begin reading to their child even while they are babies. God’s Word is a powerful tool that many parents don’t take advantage of. Create events that are fun for families to attend where you provide a meal or snack, and tools and opportunity for them to lead their children spiritually while they are at the event, with the goal of showing them that discipleship doesn’t have to be complicated.

4. Equip with Modeling

Finally, minister to parents by encouraging them that the greatest tool they have for leading their children to Christ is their own life. Modeling daily what it looks like to live a Christ-like life, both at church and at home, will be the most influential thing they will do.

I remember one time my son telling me how much impact it had on him that our lives were spiritually consistent, no matter whether we were at church, home, soccer fields, or elsewhere. They watch us way more than they listen to us!

…

If you minister to, pray for, encourage and invest in the parents in your ministry, kids will benefit. Parents have the ability to spiritually nurture their children in the everyday moments. It’s the way God designed it, as we read in Deuteronomy 6:4-7.

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commands that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Do you see what that verse starts with? It doesn’t start with telling our kids what to do. It starts with us. Parents and the church community being so in love with God that our lives reflect Him in EVERY moment.

It’s in those moments that our kids see Him in us. It’s in those moments that we tell our kids what He has done for us. And that is how ministering to parents ministers to kids. Encourage parents through listening ears and supportive hearts. Encourage them in spiritual growth, love and welcome their children. These things minister to their hearts.

And these things will foster the natural overflow of Jesus that their children can’t help but experience.

It was during this conversation that a friend looked me in the eye and said, “Now is the time for you to lead up!” I was puzzled. I didn’t know what “leading up” meant at the time.

According to Joel Mayward, the author of Leading Up, “Leading up is the ability to influence others beyond one’s age, experience, or job description. It is leading leaders, even leaders who are also leading you. Leading up is not pushing your agenda on others or trying to manipulate people into doing what you want.”

Although I had always been known for asking a lot of questions (yes, it drove my parents and teachers crazy), it never occurred to me to ask challenging questions to my authority figures within the church. These are questions that would propel them to lead more effectively and, in turn, help me to lead my ministry better.

My friend helped me understand the power of asking challenging questions, emphasizing that this would not only help my personal growth but also the growth of the ministry and the church.

Questions for Church Leadership: The Importance of Clear Communication

It is vital to clearly communicate to your leadership that the motive behind your questions is to help you do your job better and contribute to the growth of the ministry. They need to understand that your intention and heart are to support the leadership and to foster growth for everyone.

Craig Groechel, senior pastor of Life.Church, said, “Your only motivation to lead up should be to push the mission forward.” The essence of leading up is to ensure that the church as a whole can experience a win.

Children’s ministry leaders are often tasked with coming up with a mission and vision for the ministry. However, when I ask children’s ministry leaders about their church’s mission and vision, they often draw a blank.

How to Get Heard and Supported by Your Church Leadership

So, you want to be heard. You have a ministry vision you want to implement. You are considered a leader in your church…but you don’t always feel that way when you’re around other senior leaders. (Heavy sigh.) Hear this clearly: You can get heard. (And ministry leader, Keith Ferrin, is going to help you.)

Download your free guide

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How to Get Heard and Supported by Your Church Leadership​

So, you want to be heard. You have a ministry vision you want to implement. You are considered a leader in your church…but you don’t always feel that way when you’re around other senior leaders. (Heavy sigh.) Hear this clearly: You can get heard. (And ministry leader, Keith Ferrin, is going to help you.)

Download your free guide

Free Guide

How to Get Heard and Supported by Your Church Leadership​

So, you want to be heard. You have a ministry vision you want to implement. You are considered a leader in your church…but you don’t always feel that way when you’re around other senior leaders. (Heavy sigh.) Hear this clearly: You can get heard. (And ministry leader, Keith Ferrin, is going to help you.)

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Clarity and Alignment

Ask your leadership to provide clarity on the mission and the vision of the church. Every ministry in the church should align its mission and vision with that of the church. No ministry within the church should operate as a silo.

Our new lead pastor who has been with us for eight months recently revamped our church’s vision and 3-year plan, prompting a revision of our family ministry vision and plan. Throughout this process, I had multiple conversations with him on how he envisions this overarching plan unfolding in family ministry.

This alignment is not only crucial but also communicates to the congregation that the church leaders and ministries have unity in our efforts, working together towards a shared goal.

Expectations

Another challenging yet essential question to ask your leadership is about their expectations regarding your role and the ministry you are leading. I can recall numerous personnel conflicts that could have been avoided if there had been clear and mutually agreed-upon expectations.

We often make the mistake of assuming we’re on the same page when expectations have never been discussed. This is why having a conversation upfront becomes vital so ensure success for everyone.

Clarity is kindness.

Non-Negotiables

Another important question to ask your leadership revolves around their non-negotiables, which may include theology, philosophy, and strategy. This inquiry communicates that children’s ministry is not merely childcare—it highlights your thoughtfulness in determining what is being taught to children.

One of the initial conversations I had with my new lead pastor centered on his theology and philosophy around infant baptism. We engaged in a constructive conversation around this topic for several weeks.

Although we may not completely agree, we established a clear understanding on where we stand as a church. Understanding and aligning with these non-negotiables ensures a coherent approach to the ministry’s direction and values.

Other Questions to Ask Church Leadership

Various topics may come up in your ministry. In our case, we continue to discuss safety policies and practices, especially as a mobile site meeting in a high school. It is crucial for our leadership to be informed about the challenges we face in this unique setting.

We are actively seeking their involvement to collaborate with us in problem-solving as we navigate our safety practices and policies.

Open communication ensures that our leadership is well-informed and engaged in addressing specific concerns.

When, Where, and How to Ask Questions to Church Leadership

Exercising discernment is vital, particularly when dealing with sensitive questions. Use discernment to consider whether a private conversation is more appropriate or if it can be discussed openly with your team.

For example, if you want to ask your leadership about your specific role, opting for a private conversation with leadership may be more suitable. Be sure to approach the leadership with kindness and clarity to foster a constructive dialogue.

It’s important to recognize that this may be a new experience for the leadership as well. They might not be aware of the unclear vision and mission or the lack of alignment. Avoid accusations or blame.

For example, instead of saying, “You didn’t clarify your expectations,” consider saying, “It would help me do my job better if you could help me clarify expectations.” Avoid demanding immediate answers. Rather, provide them with the time and space to pray and process.

Offer your availability to be part of this process if they wish. Always approach the situation with the intention to partner with leadership.

Over the years, I have learned to ask tough questions to leaders. Some are easier than others. I’ve learned that the art of asking good questions is a powerful tool. I have learned to ask open-ended questions which allow more space for a dialogue.

My approach is to understand, not judge. I always have follow-up questions prepared based on how the leadership responded. The art of dialoguing is a continuous process of refining.

While it may not always be easy, asking the right questions to church leadership will greatly benefit everyone.

More from Gloria

• Is the Goal Always Gathering? Staying in Touch with the Scattered Church
• Deconstruction: Why Does It Scare Us and How Can We Help?
• The Top 5 Qualities of an Excellent Children’s Ministry Curriculum
• Seeing the Wonder of God in All of His Children
• Inclusive Ministry: What It Is & Why It Matters
• How to Overcome Racial Issues in Children’s Ministry
• How to Teach Kids in Ways They Actually Learn
• How to Create a Solid Volunteer Community
• Ways We Engage with Families for Success
• This Is How I See The Action Bible Help Kids Love God’s Word

My youngest daughter was still strapped to my chest in a baby carrier, while my five-year-old twin girls and my three-year-old son were eager to explore the place. They made their way to the end of the platform to look out over the Canyon through the plexiglass barrier.

A sense of wonder and fear overtook me.

I was grateful for the barrier that kept us safe and out of harm’s way. In the vast beauty of the Grand Canyon, we can find an allegory for the leadership journey. Just as the Canyon has protective barriers, our souls require intentional boundaries to guide us toward peace, embrace possibility, and protect us from overextension.

Setting Boundaries: Finding Peace

The Grand Canyon’s protective barriers and our soul’s intentional boundaries are closely correlated. Deliberately setting limits in our leadership roles becomes an act of self-preservation and creates room for peace. Just as the Canyon’s boundaries shield us from the dangers of its majestic depths. Imagine this: the massive and breathtaking Canyon, a canvas of natural artistry, drawing you in, much like the allure of leading in ministry.

I remember the moment I was on the platform, with my youngest daughter strapped to my chest and my other children eagerly peering through the plexiglass. I felt a blend of curiosity and caution. Being a leader is like a dance between exploring the possibilities and respecting the limitations.

The act of intentionally setting boundaries provides safety for the soul.

As leaders, it is within these boundaries that we can take a moment to pause, reflect, and appreciate the beauty of our purpose without fear of overextension. The peace that comes from these limits is not an absence of challenges but instead a harmonious coexistence with them.

Embracing Possibility Without Overextension

The allure of possibility is powerful. The extensive wilderness of the Grand Canyon extends an invitation to explore it. However, the plexiglass boundaries, metal railings, and paths serve as gentle guides, preventing visitors from venturing too close to the cliff’s edge, much like the boundaries we set for our souls prevent us from venturing too close to the edge of exhaustion.

There is a healthy balance between curiosity and limitation. It fosters an environment where leaders can nurture their desire for exploration while still respecting their capacities. Leadership sets the tone for a community. Creating an environment that inspires growth while acknowledging the need for rest and renewal is important.

In establishing clear boundaries for our souls, we create a healthy model and lead with compassion that enables our teams to thrive without succumbing to the pressures of overextension.

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

Free Guide

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

Free Guide

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

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Protection: Setting Boundaries Ensures Safety and Security

Boundaries should not be restrictive, but protective. Reflecting on the moments when boundaries shielded my children at the Canyon, I recognize their vital role in safeguarding my life. Ignoring these limits jeopardizes our well-being and the well-being of the communities and people we serve.

Humans are wired to seek connections and build relationships with others. But, in doing so, it is easy to forget the importance of setting boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we establish to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

They serve as a means of protection for us and those around us. We must first acknowledge the purpose of boundaries to respect them.

Navigating Leadership with Boundaries: A Biblical Compass

Learning to love God, ourselves, and others in Matthew 22:37-39

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 22:37-39

Matthew 22:37-39 is a compass guiding us in the right direction, reminding us of the interconnectedness of loving God, others, and ourselves. Loving ourselves, far from selfishness, is part of recognizing our inherent value as God’s creation.

By setting boundaries, leaders embody love for themselves, equipping them to authentically love God and serve others with a heart of abundance.

Finding Refuge in Psalm 16:5-8

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Psalm 16:5-8

Psalm 16 reminds us to acknowledge the Lord as our security source and find refuge in Him. As leaders, we carry a great responsibility that can be demanding at times, but by recognizing God as our portion and cup, we find assurance and peace.

When we learn to set healthy boundaries, we experience greater freedom, peace, and joy.

It’s incredible how boundaries can even allow us to praise God during difficulties and inherit unshakable strength. By keeping our eyes always on the Lord and allowing Him to guide us, we can become pillars of strength and stability and inspire those around us.

Proverbs 4:23 – Safeguarding the Heart of Leadership

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

Proverbs 4:23 urges leaders to place a high value on their well-being and establish boundaries to protect their hearts. This is a self-preserving act and a way to become an authentic and impactful leader.

In learning to guard their hearts, leaders shield themselves from harm and set a strong foundation for their leadership.

Establishing and respecting boundaries is a wise and loving way to navigate the complexities of leading. We all face challenges that exhaust us, both mentally and emotionally. That’s why it’s essential to set boundaries for our souls. It may sound counterintuitive, but setting limits can safeguard our well-being and give us the strength and wisdom to be healthy leaders.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed as a leader, it may be time to set some boundaries.

Remember that it’s not about being restrictive but rather about safeguarding your soul’s well-being and empowering you to navigate challenges with strength and endurance. 

More From Connie

• Techniques for Supporting Anxious Kids: Sometimes the Only Way Is Through
• Navigating Anxiety in Children’s Ministry: When You Have Anxiety as a Leader
• Work Hard, Rest Often: Establishing Healthy Boundaries for Volunteer Ministry Leaders

Jesus used questions repeatedly to teach His disciples. Questions are excellent for engaging in deeper thought, shifting behavior, and returning to the mission.

A four-year-old will ask approximately 300 questions a day. A doctor in the United Kingdom compiled the top 10 questions they ask.

Included in the list are:

• Why do people die?
• What is God?
• Is Santa Claus real?
• Why do I have to go to school?

And if you have worked in children’s ministry for any number of years, you know that around Christmas time, you might even get asked what a virgin is.

We know how to deal with the hard questions from kids!

Even as a child, Jesus was found in the temple asking questions, and I can only imagine those would be tough ones.

Maybe you have even been asked questions by parents. These could range from How will you keep my child safe? to What curriculum do you use?

We are the professionals at answering questions.

Becoming Question-Askers

But I want to challenge us to become question-askers for a change. I want us to learn the position of curiosity from the children we serve.

Jesus used questions repeatedly to teach his disciples. Questions are excellent for engaging in deeper thought, shifting behavior, and returning to the mission.

If we ask these ten questions each month, our ministries will flourish. As we submit to the position of a learner, our leadership will grow.

So, here’s the question: Are you ready?

1. What is my big goal this month?

Make sure you can quickly and efficiently answer this question. The answer to this question is the goal on the wall that everything you do is aiming at.

Knowing what you want to accomplish gives you a better chance of doing it. Nothing done in children’s ministry should be by chance. The mission is too critical to leave to chance.

2. Who is missing?

Do you have a team member who has been ghosting you, a family that has not been consistent, or a child refusing to come to class? Find out who is missing and then kindly and sensitively go after them. Let them know you miss them and would love for them to return.

Knowing who is there is good, but knowing who is missing is another way to care for the families you serve.

3. What do I need to stop doing?

It is so easy in the church to always do what we have always done. But what if we stop doing good things to make room for the great? What if we decided that if something no longer supported the mission, we would let it die?

I challenge you to look at everything you are doing and to strategically let go of things.

4. If my kids’ ministry disappeared tomorrow, would my community miss us?

I want you to evaluate your role in the community. Do you add value? Do people even know you exist, and if they do, are you seen as a valuable resource in the community?

If all you ever do is kids’ ministry within your four walls, that’s the extent of your reach. Brainstorm this week how you can go into your community and allow yourself to be a resource for them.

5. When was the last time I read the Bible, and it wasn’t for my job?

Are you in the Word? As ministry leaders, it is so easy to tell ourselves that we are constantly in the Word or worship because we work at a church. That could not be more wrong. We pour out consistently and daily.

So, if we do not devote ourselves to getting filled, we will eventually run dry.

Making an Impact in Your Children’s Ministry

Why Your Curriculum Matters and How to Choose the Right One
This guide was created to help you dive into some of the topics facing your ministries today and lead into why your curriculum matters and how to choose the right one depending on your needs.

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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6. How do I view the families I serve?

Do you have a God-like view of those you serve? Do you see them how God sees them? I know it is difficult, but I think you should decide that you believe that every parent wants to be good, is made in God’s image, and deserves your attention.

Check your biased, negative thoughts and wrong beliefs so they don’t start creeping into your ministry.

7. What is a win from this month?

If you want to make it long-term in children’s ministry, you must focus on the good and zone in on the wins. Put the wins in the front of your mind to remember. Kids’ ministry can be difficult, but remembering the wins helps make it more bearable.

8. Am I having fun?

Every month, ask yourself if you had fun. You are in the most fun ministry of all. So, if you find the answer to this question is a no—if you find bubbles do not make you smile, or hugs from littles don’t make your heart explode—you might have lost your joy.

Get it back! Enjoy your ministry and be glad you get to use your gifts.

9. What about my family?

We are moving so fast, sometimes we unintentionally sacrifice our family on the altar of ministry. Have you consistently been late coming home? Have you been working too much at home and on your day off?

Your first ministry is your family. God did not give you too much; He gave you what He knew you could handle with His help. Ask Him to show you where the imbalance is.

Cut away the unnecessary and focus on the mission critical. Work hard to disciple your team and delegate to them. Your gifting should not be what hurts your family.

10. Who do I need to forgive?

Has someone hurt you, betrayed your trust, or made you feel bad? Ministry is working with and serving people. So, if this has yet to happen, it will. People will hurt you, and you cannot control that, but you can manage your reaction.

I read that unforgiveness is like someone drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Forgive and ask God to help you move on.

Do not get weary with all the questions that come at you or even the ones you ask yourself. Decide to do a monthly rundown of these challenging questions. It is not easy, but it’s good. You are doing good work, and there is no question about that!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap the harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9 NIV

Have you ever found yourself looking back and thinking, I wish I had ______?

It’s not a pleasant feeling knowing that you should have done things differently. Usually, it results in either missed opportunity or someone getting hurt. That person might have been you or someone you care about.

As a children’s ministry leader, or any type of ministry leader, there are many things we might look back on and wish we’d done differently.

If Things Could Be Different

This article has a few things I’ve heard in ministry circles. And I’m hoping that by my sharing, you won’t have to say any of these in disappointment.

• “I wish I had spent as much time caring for the spiritual health of my own kids as I did for those in my ministry.”

• “I wish I’d focused more on people and less on programs.”

• “I wish I’d made the gospel more central in my ministry teaching, rather than simply teaching good character.”

• “I wish I had read God’s Word for the sake of reading God’s Word and not just for preparing my lessons.”

• “I wish I’d done ministry with a team mentality rather than too often doing it alone.”

• “I wish I’d taken all the time off I was given instead of working through so much of it.”

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

Free Guide

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

Free Guide

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

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• “I wish I’d had more face-to-face conversations on the floor with kids rather than rushing through every Sunday morning putting out fires.”

• “I wish I’d gone to service more.”

• “I wish I’d been bolder in replacing tradition with vision.”

• “I wish I’d developed people to lead ministry with me as much as I equipped people to do ministry with me.”

• “I wish I hadn’t let my work for the church replace my own relationship with God so often.”

Stop the Regrets before They Happen

Maybe one, some, or even all of these phrases resonate with you as you read them. Don’t let yourself sit in discouragement and remember that you can make a change today. Be encouraged and know that God sees you, and He’s with you.

Lean into Him and let Him lead the way.

1. Spend time with Jesus first and foremost. To help you along the way, be encouraged to have a personal spiritual growth plan that includes relationship and accountability.
2. Be intentional about identifying and living out priorities in both your personal and ministry life.
3. Think about and invest in people first. Whether that’s developing a leader or playing with a child on the floor, always remember that people matter most.

Communication is key in your relationships with your volunteers, kids, parents, the congregation, and with your leadership.

Here are some ideas to help you think through what really matters!

Ideas for Communicating Well

Stick to What’s Most Important

So, as we look at communication and the standards that we are setting or have set, what is most important? It’s key that we start with the most important and move out from there.

We’re in the 2020’s. People are bombarded with messages every single day. We don’t want to be part of the noise, rather, we want to be part of what really matters. Make sure what you are communicating is important and worthwhile!

Also decide what type of communication needs to go where. For example, we share information:

• On Signs and Screen Displays
• Via Social Media
• Through Email and Text Messages
• In Bulletins
• Verbally

What you might share on a Sunday morning screen display might be different than an email or text message. Either way, we want to make sure they are worded well and contain what’s important.

Avoid Mass Communicating and Over Communicating

If we find ourselves consumed with communicating minor things and communicating repetitively, we could look a bit disorganized, and parents might begin to tune out what we are communicating.

For example, have you ever received so many texts, emails, and posts on the same topic that you begin ignoring them and inadvertently miss important information.

And if there are hard things that apply only to a few people, it’s really important that we communicate directly with those specific people instead of sending a mass message.

In our ministries, we must be careful not to communicate intentionally and strategically!

How to Get Heard and Supported by Your Church Leadership

So, you want to be heard. You have a ministry vision you want to implement. You are considered a leader in your church…but you don’t always feel that way when you’re around other senior leaders. (Heavy sigh.) Hear this clearly: You can get heard. (And ministry leader, Keith Ferrin, is going to help you.)

Download your free guide

Free Guide

How to Get Heard and Supported by Your Church Leadership​

So, you want to be heard. You have a ministry vision you want to implement. You are considered a leader in your church…but you don’t always feel that way when you’re around other senior leaders. (Heavy sigh.) Hear this clearly: You can get heard. (And ministry leader, Keith Ferrin, is going to help you.)

Download your free guide

Free Guide

How to Get Heard and Supported by Your Church Leadership​

So, you want to be heard. You have a ministry vision you want to implement. You are considered a leader in your church…but you don’t always feel that way when you’re around other senior leaders. (Heavy sigh.) Hear this clearly: You can get heard. (And ministry leader, Keith Ferrin, is going to help you.)

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Visuals Matter

As we share information, we need to be aware of how it looks visually. Are your signs handwritten? Could they be designed on a computer instead? The uniformity and clarity of signs is important when thinking through visuals as well.

So, what do your messages look like? Do they go with the rest of the environment you’ve created? Are they as professional as possible?

Although not every message needs to be fully designed, it’s important to think about the visual impact and whether or not your communication is engaging those you are trying to communicate with.

Remember These Things

• When you don’t stay focused on the good and right things that are fulfilling your vision, you risk losing the attention of those you are trying to communicate with.
• When you don’t look through the eyes of your ministry, you might be lowering your standards for the sake of protecting the minor things at the expense of the valuable. It’s important that we ask ourselves: What minor things am I protecting in ministry that are costing me in the big picture?
• When we don’t evaluate regularly in light of the highest standards of our defined vision, we tend to make mistakes. What mistakes might we be making due to lack of evaluation?

Communication is so important within ministry. It’s how we encourage volunteers, get people excited about children’s ministry, share the good news of Jesus, and more. Because of this, we need to make sure to communicate well.

What is an incognito inspector? Great question! An incognito inspector is similar to a secret shopper. It’s someone you trust, who you bring into your children’s ministry to observe and interact in real time and offer feedback. We always encourage that the feedback should be constructively honest, so that the elements of your children’s ministry that need a little love get just that.

To fill this position, you’ll want to choose someone who:

• you know and trust.
• your children’s ministry team will not recognize.
• is willing to be bold in carrying out the assignment.
• knows something about what a children’s ministry should function like (another children’s ministry leader or a parent).

5 Steps to Evaluate Your Ministry with an Incognito Inspector

1. Invite in an Incognito Inspector

This person should meet the requirements we talked through earlier, while also being someone the children in your ministry are willing to interact with. It is a bonus if the person who is helping you has children of their own and are invested in how the church ministers to children.

It’s really important that this person has a strong understanding of children’s ministry (from volunteers to programming) and the church as a whole.

Curriculum Evaluation Checklist

Need help evaluating curriculum? Grab this downloadable list and follow the questions to a wise curriculum choice that equips you and your teachers for life-changing children’s ministry.

Download your Curriculum Checklist

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Curriculum Evaluation Checklist

Need help evaluating curriculum? Grab this downloadable list and follow the questions to a wise curriculum choice that equips you and your teachers for life-changing children’s ministry.

Download your Curriculum Checklist

Free Guide

Curriculum Evaluation Checklist

Need help evaluating curriculum? Grab this downloadable list and follow the questions to a wise curriculum choice that equips you and your teachers for life-changing children’s ministry.

Download Your Curriculum Checklist

Free Guide

2. Plan Ahead

Walk through the process to evaluate your ministry with your chosen inspector ahead of time. This might include (but certainly isn’t limited to) having the trusted person:

• Attend a typical service, complete the visitor process, and place their kids in the classroom—in other words, participate in the typical process as a visitor.
  
• Provide feedback either through verbal feedback or a rating system, whichever works best for you. This feedback should cover typical interactions from the experience. For example, Were the volunteers friendly and helpful? Did the volunteers know answers to questions? Was it easy to find classrooms? Was the check-in process understandable and easy? Etc.
  
• Create some more challenging situations for the volunteers. For example, try to pick up a child without the check-in tag to see how the volunteers handle it. Ask volunteers difficult questions to see how they respond. Or try other challenges which create situations you would like to get feedback on.

3. Evaluate Your Ministry

Now it’s time to carry out the evaluation, remembering to:

• never abuse the participation of the children.
• never put the volunteers in an embarrassing or compromised situation.
• never risk the safety of anyone.

While there are things you will want to test, it’s important to not cross any lines.

4. Debrief with the Inspector

As you debrief, get feedback about what you specifically talked about evaluating, along with any other observations and thoughts they have to contribute.

Some of this feedback will reaffirm things you already know, and some of it might be hard to hear. There will be wins and areas that need improvement in almost every environment, and that’s okay. Don’t be overwhelmed and take one step at a time to improve what needs attention.

During this time also be sure to show the inspector your gratitude with a free lunch, gift card, or some other form of thank-you.

After this time with the inspector, continue to review and evaluate your ministry on your own. Spend time praying and deciding what is most important.

5. Review with Your Team

Now comes the time to share your findings in a fun and instructional way with your team. You could potentially give shout outs for praise but speak generally or privately about the negatives that need improvement. You want your team to feel encouraged and inspired by this ministry evaluation, not discouraged and down on themselves. It’s our job to equip!

It’s important that we continue to work toward a great ministry, while nurturing the key relationships with our leaders.

Try this out! You might just be amazed at what you find.

Additional Helpful Articles

• It’s Time to Evaluate Your Mission Statement
• How to Set a Vision for Your Children’s Ministry
• First Steps to Build a Healthy Foundation for a New KidMin Leader
• How to Create a Handbook for Your Church Ministry

Welcoming Families in Children’s Ministry

Here are some ideas to help you make sure families are welcomed well!

1. Signage Makes Things Easy and Gives Clarity

Signage feels simple, but welcoming new families should begin before they even walk through the doors of the church! It’s important to post helpful signage in the parking lot, the entryway, and so on. Make it easy for new families to know exactly where to go.

There are many online—and sometimes local too—options to have custom signs created.

You see, many first-time visitors would rather not ask where things are, so a good test of signage is if someone could find all the kids’ areas without speaking with anyone. Although we also want to make families feel welcome with our friendliness and personal warmth, we want them to be comfortable finding their own way around.

Clear directions to children’s ministry rooms should be available not only from the parking lot, but also in these areas:

• the main church lobby,
• other non-children’s ministry primary areas (such as main fellowship areas, adult class areas, etc.),
• any hallways leading to the children’s ministry areas, and
• within the children’s ministry areas.

2. Smiles Mean More than You Know

Smiles? Yes, smiles!

Smiles go a long, long way to making families feel comfortable. The look on your face can communicate that you want people to be there … or that you don’t. Smiling should be a ministry-wide value that you train your team to do.

And while it seems simple, it’s the warmth of a smile that may bring people back to your church. We need to be welcoming and loving to each person who walks through the doors of our churches.

3. Information that Welcomes Families in Your Children’s Ministry

Typically, when introverts go somewhere new, they like to have access to an overview of what to expect. Having an inviting and easy-to-navigate website in addition to flyers, brochures, bulletins, or another type of printed piece is so important for the first impressions of visitors. You can make them available at the doors, in the main church lobby, in gathering areas, and in the children’s ministry areas.

And make sure they are well made! Even if you keep it simple, quality speaks of care as you are welcoming families in children’s ministry.

Extroverts may prefer to engage in conversation when arriving somewhere new. So, also have friendly greeters who know all about your children’s ministry and can pass along information to visitors and new families.

Again, smiling is key! And having the right information is important too. We don’t want to unintentionally cause frustration by not having the answers to questions visitors and new families need.

So, as children’s ministry leaders, it’s important we coordinate with the hospitality team and train them in what they need to know about children’s ministry. Help them know where to send families and make sure they have the tools they need to give out the right information!

Making an Impact in Your Children’s Ministry

Why Your Curriculum Matters and How to Choose the Right One
This guide was created to help you dive into some of the topics facing your ministries today and lead into why your curriculum matters and how to choose the right one depending on your needs.

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

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4. Simple Systems Help You Improve

Some ministry leaders set up incognito inspectors to examine their children’s ministries. When doing this, you have someone come in and take a look at your processes and systems to see where you could potentially improve.

For example, maybe the check-in systems aren’t easy or quick. Maybe communication to visitors isn’t clear. It could even be that first-time registration is too long of a process and feels untethered.

Checking your programs against simple practices and other systems can help make your welcoming process so much smoother for new and current families.

Try having someone examine your ministry from the outside (and maybe even from the inside) and make improvements where you can!

5. Follow Up Makes All the Difference

How do you follow up with visiting families? We recommend following up:

• Quickly: Make sure it happens the week after they attend. Let them know how great it was to have them in your ministry. And be sure to make it personal. Remember their names!
• With Helpful Information: Make sure your communication shares the vision for your children’s ministry and make sure they have clear avenues to get any of their questions answered!
• By Being Welcoming, Not Pushy: Let families know you loved having them, but don’t make assumptions about their future engagement. Love them where they are!
• More Than Once: Kids should be welcomed and valued—and parents should too—and multiple contacts should be made over time.

One great option for communicating with families is to create branded postcards that align with your children’s ministry to send to the kids. Personalized mail is exciting for any child!

Other great options are phone calls, texts, emails, and social media. Maybe even ask families what their communication preferences are and meet them where they are most comfortable.

We face a lot in this ministry and at times it’s really easy for us to become discouraged in our work. It’s important that develop habits that help us through the discouragement and keep us focused on the mission we’re called to.

Will these thinking habits solve all of your problems? No way! But keeping your mind on the right things is so important as you live and as you work in ministry.

3 Thinking Habits Important in Children’s Ministry Leadership

Thinking Habit #1: “Being” Over “Doing”

There is a lot to “do” in leading a children’s ministry. In fact, there’s always something else to do.

And that can be a problem. It’s very easy to become a slave to everything that needs to be done. It’s easy to take on responsibilities that we should be delegating or equipping others to do so that we can focus primarily on what only we can do.

What’s even worse is that it’s really easy to let the “doing” define us. Sometimes it even replaces the necessity to “be” in our faith. Sometimes we even let it define our identity. Unwittingly, we allow the fact that we work for a church and the busyness of our role to replace the nourishment of our souls.

We can’t let this happen! It’s important that we begin to think “being” first. We need to first and foremost make sure our walk with Jesus is priority. Because our ministries flow from that very faith.

As we think about this idea, remember the story of when Jesus visits Mary and Martha. Take the time to be with Him, instead of only doing for Him.

Presenting in Your Ministry

Another aspect of this “doing” vs “being” is how we present our ministries to families and children. Do we unconsciously present a checklist of doing that represents success in faith? If they attend church every week, memorize their verses, and behave like “Christians” (“do” everything they ought to do), are they good?

Or are we willing to create environments and thinking habits where individuals can wrestle with their faith and get messy by “being?”

There is a place for doing (of course things need to get done!) but being is what this life is really all about. Great leaders think being over doing in their work, their ministry, and their own personal lives.

Habit #2: “People” Over “Programs”

Most of us, early into ministry, will learn this lesson. Thinking “program” is relatively easy. It’s tangible. The success of programming is fairly easily measured. It’s very visible and we receive lots of plaudits if it’s done well, which makes us feel good!

And certainly having great program is very important. But it’s not the most important element of ministry.

People are always the most important. And we have to have a thinking habit that prioritizes people!

And while we all agree with this thought, too often the way we pursue ministry does not reflect this. A leader who puts “people” over “programs” looks something like this:

Prioritizing Connection

Leaders who prioritize connection walk slowly through the crowd on Sunday morning, intentionally seeking opportunities to connect. They don’t rush around putting fires out without regard to the important conversations to be had with kids, parents, and volunteers.

Do things happen? Of course! But the idea is that connection is prioritized, not perfect programming.

Building on Vision

Knowing that vision inspires people, it’s important that leaders build their ministries around this and include it as a thinking habit. It’s important for us to inspire and encourage those around us in the mission and vision of what we’re all working together to accomplish.

If we only focus on the need to do or other needs we have, it can be discouraging to the people in our ministries and it can even lead to the deterioration of what we’re trying to do.

Spiritual Impact is Most Important

When we look at programming, which is important, it’s imperative that we first look at the spiritual impact of the program over everything else.

Yes, numbers matter, as does excellence, but connecting with a person’s heart matters most.

Serve First Through Relationships

As we equip our teams for ministry, we have to first do so through relationship. What this looks like at times is shifting our plans to meet the needs in front of us than strictly adhering to that day’s lesson plans.

While it’s important for us to share God’s Word (yes!) and do so in fun and engaging ways, it’s important that in doing so we don’t miss the needs sitting right in front of us. Be open to the work of the Holy Spirit as He leads you in these times!

The Spiritual Health of Parents and Volunteers Matters

We’ve got to care about the spiritual walk of those around the children we serve. The health of our volunteers, staff, and even parents is important in the spiritual life of kids!

It’s so important to not only remember, but to work toward children’s ministry being about the spiritual growth of all the people involved, not just a program to fill a few hours on Sunday morning.

Thinking Habit #3: “Developing” Over “Equipping”

Equipping our teams is essential to success in ministry. In fact, it’s something every church leader should be about (read Ephesians 4).

When we develop, however, we are working to grow leaders beyond simply being prepared for Sunday school. We’re talking about inward growth.

Essentially, we’re taking the “being” over “doing” idea to those around us. When we work to grow and develop one another, we focus on long term vision and leadership growth.

Equipping helps us immediately and is the initial part of development. But focusing on development long term will enable growth and new doors to open for your ministry.

Here are 3 keys to developing leaders:

• It requires developing yourself first
• It requires relationship
• It requires long-term commitment

As you continue to work and build for ministry, remember these 3 ways of thinking to help you stay focused on what really matters—people.

We’re here to remind you just how much you matter! Remember that you are important, and what you do is important.

You Matter

You are important to kids in your church. 

As you work to create environments that welcome and engage kids, you make space for God’s Word to take root. As you present the gospel to children, you share the good news of Jesus that forever changes lives.

You are important. And as you make sure kids are safe—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually—you are caring for God’s little children. You are reminding them of their worth and who they are in Christ.

So, as hard as it can get, remember that you matter and the work you do is eternal.

The relationship you build with the children in your ministry matters more than any program, curriculum, or facilities you could provide. God is working through you and your ministry to change lives.

You are important to parents in your church. 

Barna studies show that parents agree the spiritual life and character of their children is mainly their responsibility. The same studies also show, however, that less than 20% of parents have ever had a conversation with church leaders about the spiritual investment in their children.

We encourage you to be proactive in engaging the families in your ministry (and at your church). Parents need help and you are important to them, even if they haven’t vocalized it.

The responsibility of raising kids in Christ can feel like a lot, and you of all people understand that! Continue to walk with them, resource them, and partner together to effect change in kids’ lives.

Trust us, when parents know that you are there caring for their children alongside them, they are eternally grateful. Many are stressed and just plain worn out.

You matter to them. Never forget that!

You are important to your team. 

Whether your team is made of paid staff or volunteers, your leadership is important to them! As you lead, stay focused on living out your ministry vision as you do the work before you. Your example, words, and actions all encourage and inspire your team.

Remind them of the ministry’s values and follow the Holy Spirit as He works in and through you.

As you equip your team for ministry and develop them as leaders, be reminded of your call to discipleship. Your leadership has a ripple effect that impacts others who then impact others. We’re thankful for the work you do.

And mainly, we want you to remember that God has placed you here. Lean into Him and trust Him with everything! He doesn’t fail.

You are important to your family.

The best ministry you could ever do is within the walls of your home. Leader Jim Wideman says, “Never sacrifice your family on the altar of your ministry.”

And he’s right! You are invaluable to your family. They need you, and you need them too. So, continue to give them your best, not your leftovers. Your family will make your ministry stronger, so start there and continue to plant the seeds in the blessings God has given you.

And if you have children, give them the priority and attention they require, deserve, and want.

Remember that you matter. You really, really matter to them.

You are important to God.

If there is only one point you take away from this letter, it should be this one. You are important to God.

He sent His Son for you, not because He knew one day that you would be in ministry, but because He loves you. It’s that simple. His love for you has never been about what you can do, because apart from Him we can do nothing. It’s always been about you.

He knew you and formed you before you were born (Psalm 139). He called you to Himself.

Remember that your ministry flows from your relationship with Him, not the opposite. So, first and foremost, invest in your relationship with Jesus. Recall to mind what you tell the kids in your ministry.

He loves you, your family loves you, and so do the kids, parents, and team members you serve and minister with.

You matter.

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But there is one practice that should come above everything else.

Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.

Matthew 22:37-40 NLT

Children’s Ministry To-Do List

What is the most important thing you can do for the children, parents, and volunteers in your ministry?

Love God and love people.

While ministry can be complex at times, Jesus laid it out for us so simply.

And while there are many ministry models we can adopt … and all kinds of variations of those models … even variations within variations, there is one thing that has to come first.

Love God and love people.

Above All Put on Love

As children’s ministry leaders, our lists are full.

There is curriculum to order and teach. And there are so many available! There are different emphases and lessons and styles. But with each one, our goal is still love.

And sometimes leading puts so much pressure on us. It can really get to us and effect our interactions with our leadership, the parents we serve, and the volunteers we walk alongside. We have to prepare, recruit, train, shepherd, partner, and support.

Our lists are full of development and finding the right tools and resources available. Our calendars are scribbled on, and our desks are overflowing.

The to-do lists for us could go on and on (and on and on and on, really).

But the most important thing we could and will ever do? Love God and love people.

The other realities will still exist, but they should come second to love every single time. So, take a deep breath, take some pressure off, and remember Jesus’ command: Love God and love people.

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I come from Iowa, but my parents were from small, farming communities in Iowa. And my dad had this big giant family with seven brothers and sisters. There are lots of people in my family. And every time we got together, there were people filling a small farmhouse.

There would come a moment in the night, when the patriarch of the family would suddenly slap their hands down on their thighs and say, “Well.” And the minute they say, “Well,” it’s what starts the Midwestern goodbye. And if you are from the Midwest, you know exactly what I’m talking about because it sets off this flurry of activity. Everyone stands, gathers dishes, and finishes conversations on the way to the door. Everyone is walking people out to the door and getting into cars. Then there’s another flood of hugs and goodbyes and well wishes.

And whoever is hosting that gathering comes all the way out onto the front porch as everyone else gets into their cars. They wave everyone off until the last set of taillights is gone.

It is truly a beautiful thing, and I would contend that it’s biblical.

Learning from Paul

One of my very favorite moments in history from the Bible is in Acts 20. It’s when the Apostle Paul is leaving the Ephesian elders. These are incredibly dear people to him. They knelt and they prayed, they embraced him, kissed him, and then walked Paul all the way out to the ship.

So, this is like the first recorded Midwestern goodbye. I’m pretty sure that’s what this all points to. And I would guess that in tears they sat on that dock, watched as that ship set sail, and waved until it was far out of sight.

The next chapter, Acts 21, begins with, “After we had torn ourselves away from them.” There was such precious relationship that they had to tear themselves away from Paul, and Paul had to tear himself away from them because of the relationship he had with those people.

That’s the kind of legacy I think we all want to leave, right? I want to leave that legacy because of what Paul says in his goodbye speech to the Ephesian elders.

Paul says this in verses 24 through 27 (Acts 21:24-27): I consider my life worth nothing to me. My only aim is to finish the race and complete the task. The Lord Jesus has given me the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace. Now, I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. Therefore, I declare to you today that I’m innocent of the blood of any of you, for I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God.

A Legacy Worth Leaving

I usually can’t get through that without tearing up a little bit because it is what I want my life to be defined by. You see, I want people to know the Word, the whole will of God, and the good news of God’s grace. I want that to be true of the children I encounter as well as the adults.

That’s the legacy that I want to leave. And I’m pretty sure that resonates with you. I think this is the legacy that you want to live and that you want to leave in children’s ministry and in life.

Paul says, “My only aim is to finish the race and complete the task. The Lord Jesus has given me the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”

God has a mission for us. He calls us to testify to the good news of God’s grace and to proclaim the whole will of God to children. And that’s the finish line we strive toward.

My family is all runners. All of my kids have run at different levels. My second-born son has run at one of the highest levels that he can at this point in his life.

He ran at the World Cross Country Championships last year for team USA in Bathurst, Australia and they won a bronze medal. So cool!

There is a photo of him at the end of the race, where he is passed out right past the finish line. It is the ultimate I-have-run-the-race-and-crossed-the finish-line moment. It was 97 degrees that day. There was no shade on that course. He’s covered in mud. There were obstacles. They were spraying water on the mud to keep it muddy. There was sand he had to run through. They had to run up and down hills, through tires, and over hay bales.

Running the Race to Finish

When he got on the starting line, his aim was to finish the race. That’s what he wanted to do.

And in this picture of him passed out at the finish line, if you look behind him you can see a young man from Japan who is scooting to the finish line on his bottom. He wanted to finish the race, so he is bottom scooting to the finish line, and he did finish. He was so desperate to finish the race that this guy scooted through on his bottom.

So, what I would tell you is that, as you are running this race, some of you may feel like your arms up and you are triumphantly running the race. Some of you may feel like I just, I’m going to cross that finish line and pass out. And some of you might be bottom scooting through. But whatever your context, we should be that desperate to finish the race and the task that God has called us to.

I would challenge us that we need to begin with the end in mind. When we stand on the starting line, what’s in our heads is what’s at the finish.

Known, Loved, and Led

We want kids to know that they are known by God, loved by Jesus, and led by the Holy Spirit as children of God. So, when you pull up your lessons, when you look at the things that you’re teaching kids, are you thinking through God’s Word informing theology, informing identity, and forming beliefs, which is all forming behaviors?

But isn’t it sweet and precious when we can say our children have learned that what they know about the Bible is true? That what they know about God, the theology they formed about Him, is a solid and true and full robust theology of Him. And that the theology is informing their identity. They walk in confidence knowing that they have a God Who stands before them and behind them, that Who hedges them in on all sides. That they would be believers and that it would shape their beliefs and the way they see the world and that they would go out and behave completely differently.

The End of the Story

When we minister to young children, we may not always see the end of the story.

At the end of the day, what I can tell you is that I taught God’s Word. I testified to the good news of God’s grace. I taught the whole will of God.

God, I thank you that we know this truth, that we know that we are known by you, that we are loved by Jesus. That we are led by the Holy Spirit, and that we are children of God.

And you have given us this finish line—this mission that we are on, God. You have given us a mission to be people who testify to the good news of Your grace and proclaim Your whole will. That there would never be a doubt in our hearts and our minds and our souls, that we have done that with absolutely everything we are, God, that this is our finish line.

I pray that we would be people who run through the finish line triumphantly. That we would be people who teach children the truth of your Word, the history, the good news of Your Word. That we teach children who You are, the robust theology of who You are, God, that it would inform their identity, that they would walk throughout the world and say, “I am a child of God.” And that means something.

God, I pray that they would know what they believe in and that would drive their behavior. And that if we turn out a whole generation of world changers who turns out a whole generation of world changers, that sounds pretty amazing to me.

So, God, we are humbled by the ministry that you’ve called us to. We hold it in awe and wonder knowing that you have given us a great responsibility. And we ask with hands open that you would bless us in that work that we do and the efforts that we make to proclaim the whole will of God and testify to the good news of God’s grace. And thank You for this gift that You’ve given us. It’s in Your Son’s name we pray. Amen.

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Known, Loved, and Led: Helping Children Know Who They Were Created to Be

Are you serving simply where you’re comfortable, or are you serving where you’ve been called?

Poor leadership can manifest itself in many ways. And there are seasons where good leaders can be poor leaders if they’re not careful to check themselves.

Some examples of poor leadership can be seen in:

• Unclear vision
• Lack of communication
• Indecision
• Complacency
• Pride

The list could go on. And there are integrity gaps in leadership that we all have to work to fix.

Have you served under a poor leader? Are you serving under one now?

Many of us have served under poor leadership, and it’s a difficult place to be in. Because typically when we’re under poor leadership, it inhibits our ministries. Even though many of us try to lead up, it’s difficult when we aren’t heard, seen, or respected.

Serving God Above All Else

Although we’re all here because we want to be everything God made us to be so that our ministries can be what God desires them to be, we can only rise to the level of our leadership. If we’re not seeking God and striving after His will, we can’t make it.

We need God to lead us, because we can’t do it on our own. Poor leadership might tell you otherwise.

Is it important to have personal development and team development? Of course. We want to have teams that work together effectively and efficiently to do the work before us.

However, we cannot believe that we can do this alone. It’s not our ministry after all, it’s God’s.

And many times we think we’re all called to be ‘successful’ (whatever that means). But really, God has called each one of us to be faithful. We’re to be faithful in the big and small.

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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Leadership Frustrations

So when you find yourself frustrated with your leadership, remember that our frustrations:

• Do not give us the right to complain about or undermine leadership in any way, nor do they give us the right to do anything less than our best.
• Do not mean we should give up trying to cast a vision or stop trying to put forward initiatives that we believe in.
• Do not mean we may abdicate our responsibility for our own personal growth in the area of leadership.

After a while, however, serving under poor leadership gets old … really old! And sometimes it’s unhealthy. So when you’ve done everything you can to communicate, to lead up, to lead your area well, and to live with the leadership you serve under, then maybe it’s time to answer this question:

Am I called to this position, or am I just comfortable?

Take this question to God. Ask Him if this is where He wants you in this time. If the answer is yes, continue being faithful to God in all the things you do. If the answer is no, continue being faithful to God in all the things you do.

If you feel called to stay:

There is any number of reasons that God may want you in that role:

• He may be doing something in your life. Remember, our lives are not about our ministries or anything else, but rather about being conformed to the image of Christ.
• He may be using your frustrating. circumstances to accomplish something in the life of another.
• He may be using the circumstances to prepare you for something in the future.

If you feel called to leave:

This is usually very difficult to discern, and we encourage you to pray, fast, and seek trusted counsel in coming to this conclusion.

But if the answer is no, then why are you staying?

It might be that you’re just too comfortable. 

No, you don’t like the leadership—it’s a pain to serve under. But pursuing other options would be incredibly uncomfortable. From a practical sense—uprooting families, acclimating to new teams, in many ways starting from the ground up—it is all extremely difficult.

But are we willing to place our comfort over the will of God in our lives? We all know that’s not the right thing to do.

It’s not always as simple yes or no. There is an extreme number of complexities and factors that play into this type of situation.

So we just encourage you to sit with God in His presence every day and allow Him to lead you in all that you do. Let Him guide you each step of each day, walking in faith that He has you. Because He does.

And our prayer is that you follow so close to Him that you find yourself exactly where you are meant to be.

So, let’s dive right in.

What Do Families Need from Church?

Leadership 

Everything rises & falls on leadership. It’s no different in our churches and with our families. Yet so many churches lack this essential characteristic in their children’s and family ministry.

So, what is leadership? Leadership is the capacity to influence others toward the pursuit of a worthy vision. In ministry, it looks a lot like servant leadership. And if you aren’t yet able to do that, it’s so important that you do learn to, especially as the leader in your area. Make it a priority!

As you learn how to lead, make sure you develop others to do the same. You’ll be amazed at how your ministry will change when it is filled with people who lead.

And remember that strong leader ensure that ministry management and coaching are done and done well. Although vision in leadership is priority, you need to also manage your ministry as a coach in order to coordinate the efforts of those pursuing the vision.

Communication

We mentioned this in the wants post, but it’s here again because it is so important.

It’s so important that we develop an ability to communicate many things well. When we’re able to communicate things like our ministry vision and details that fall under that vision—like events and at-home partnership—families are more apt to get on board.

And communication can’t happen only one time or one way. Ultimately the burden is on us to ensure we’re heard.

Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

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Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

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Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

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A Plan 

The most important plan you can develop is one for the faith formation of children. So, if a child is in your ministry birth through 6th grade, what’s the plan? What do you want them to know? How do you see their faith developing (and how are you communicating this)?

Does your curriculum align with this plan? Does your volunteer structure? There are a lot of questions to ask yourself and your team as you plan. That’s why you begin with the vision and build from there.

Do you have plans in place to encourage parents to participate? And how do you equip those parents?

Remember that most parents recognize they are the primary spiritual influencers in their children’s lives, but they just don’t know how to begin. Walking alongside them with a plan gives them confidence and helps equip them for this important role.

Opportunity 

There are lots of places we could go with this one, but a big opportunity that families need is an opportunity to serve together.

When children and families serve, the likelihood of faith ownership increases dramatically. Find ways to allow families to serve—anything and everything from cutting out crafts to participating in service projects to going on mission trips.

There is little you can do that will shape faith more practically than presenting opportunities to serve as a community.

Relationship

Ministry happens best in the context of relationships. 

Whatever you are trying to accomplish, you’re going to do it better and it’s going to have deeper impact if it’s built on a solid relationship.

You and your team should build relationships with kids and with parents alike. And create opportunities for parents to also build relationships with other parents.

Teaching will be better. Attendance will be better. Recruiting will be better. You get the idea.

Scriptural Teaching and Discipleship

A lot of times we assume that Scriptural teaching and discipleship are included, but we’ve seen them forgotten too many times. Ultimately, discipleship should be the goal of our ministries. It’s our calling from Jesus—our mandate.

Families need us to remain focused on Biblical teaching. Not our interpretation. Not our opinions. But they need us to rely on and remain in the Word of God.

With the ever-increasing noise in the world today, we must remain true to Scripture. Especially when it’s hard. And we must continue presenting it to our families.

What happens when the thing that they seem to disagree on is what we know to be true?

We know God is real, loves us, and wants a relationship with everyone. And we also know that the wages of sin is death. We don’t want anyone to live a life without Jesus.

As ministry leaders, we live and do our daily work to point people to Jesus. However, a quick look on social media and the news will tell you that the trend is to walk away from the truth and even take our faith and break it down, question it, or belittle it.

So, how do we reach and serve a community that disagrees with us on something as big as God and His love?

When dealing in an increasingly divisive world, I think we need to look in, out, and up!

Looking In

Looking in makes us examine our true feelings.

We must identify our biases, any thoughts of superiority, or thoughts of false confidence. We cannot lead anyone who disagrees with us by forcing them to agree. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 3: 1-3, that we are a letter from Christ for all to see and read as we live.

The challenge is whether our ministry self and personal self both show the truth. Do we live in a way that is authentic and points people to Jesus?

I am not claiming that we can live a perfect life, but I am saying we need to examine our life to see if it is:

• Consistent
• Authentic
• Transparent

When we know what we believe, live what we believe, and speak what we believe, it becomes increasingly more appealing for others to listen to, follow, and trust.

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

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Looking Out

We must be honest. I want you to know I understand. Serving and leading people is challenging and can take a toll on us over the years. That toll can easily show up in our feelings, beliefs, or assumptions about the people we serve.

Those who always disagree or question statements of truth can wear us down. The enemy would love to discourage us, or even more, he would love to have us disengage.

He wins if he can get us to believe someone is too gone, wrong, complicated, or just too annoying.

I served in kids’ ministry for over ten years, and I used to say, “I love the kids, but it’s the parents that are difficult.” What wrong thinking! I was looking out at the parents who attended sporadically, were disengaged, threw their child’s paper away as they walked out the door, came late, left early, and always gave me pushback.

I looked at them and judged them without seeing their needs. And in this, I forgot that part of my ministry to the children included their families. I had to change my mindset drastically. They were not the enemy.

Made in His Image

If we look out to see those hard people we serve as sons and daughters of God, made in His image, then we will treat them as brothers and sisters in Christ, not enemies.

I have seen this quote from Karen Purvis: “Underlying behaviors are needs,” and it has helped shape how I see those I serve.

• Argumentative – might need to be heard.
• Angry – could show a need for unconditional love.
• Disrespectful – this is usually a need to feel respected.
• Questioning – shows up as the need for clarity.

As shepherds, it is our job to find the need and to fill it. Please don’t get so focused on the 99 who may agree that you forget our job is to go after the lost sheep too.

Our goal when we find the sheep is not to force them to stay but to welcome them back with joy, acceptance, and care that they choose to stay.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way, there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

Luke 15: 4-7 NIV

Look Up

Look to God! I know that I should have listed it as the first step, and though these are in no particular order, we need to look up and claim that we have done all we can do.

We have been witnesses with our lives; we have decided to go after the lost and see them as brothers and sisters, yet we still disagree. The disagreement is getting more expansive, and the list of things we disagree on gets longer daily.

If you and I sat down, we would find we disagree on something.

The agreement gap seems to widen more and more, but we would agree that we love God and understand our need for a Savior. We could both look up!

Start there, friends, and look up to God, to His salvation for everyone.

Agree on that, and then ask God what to do next.

Disagreement is a gift! It is a moment to connect, learn something from someone, reevaluate your stance, show unconditional love, and live a testimony of transparent authenticity.

Use any disagreement you face as a moment to prove your love.

Look in and examine your thoughts and feelings, look out and change how you see the opposition, and look up to ensure you focus on the right main thing. And then agree to love and serve those who disagree!

With so many options for programming, there is also an unprecedented number of resources available. This is fantastic! However, as we build our ministries, we need to make wise decisions as we take into consideration the things that our families want.

You see, families have strong opinions about what they are looking for—even if they aren’t expressing those wants directly to you. They are there. If you aren’t sure what families are looking for, the ideas below are a great place to start in your children’s ministry programs.

What Do Families Want in Children’s Ministry?

Fun

Plain and simple, parents want programs to be fun for their kids. Why? Because their kids want to keep coming to places that are fun. It’s not that there isn’t depth there, it’s that all the deep learning is surrounded by fun.

Like it or not, if your program isn’t fun, it isn’t going to work.

Investment

Few parents or children will articulate this, but investment is an expectation in most families. They want and expect a spiritual investment in their kids by those in the church.

Yes, parents are primarily responsible for the discipleship of their children, but that does not mean the church has no responsibility in this area.

This may seem obvious, but it requires an intentional approach that many times we overlook.

Partnership 

We believe (and studies by Barna Research indicate) that most parents understand their spiritual responsibility toward their kids. Many just don’t know how to fulfill that responsibility, so they want a partnership with the church in two areas:

• A partnership with church where other adults are spiritually investing in their kids.
• And a partnership at home where they can build on what their kids have been learning, with opportunities to own their part in the faith formation of their children.

Long story short, we’re all better when we partner together.

Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

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Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

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Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

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Flexibility 

Families are busier than ever. And while we don’t necessarily like it, families don’t want to be expected to attend every week or shop up for every church event.

The truth is, when we look at the full church calendar—what’s expected of the small groups, ministry teams, men, women, youth, and children—it’s so full that it is almost impossible for parents to choose what’s best. Do they sacrifice their own small groups to make sure their kids get to every event? Should the kids miss opportunities because of what’s expected of the parents in ministry?

Add the weekly activities to regular services and special events, and it can feel overwhelming to a family—especially when parents work and children have other expectations with school as well.

All this to say, flexibility and understanding is key in children’s and family ministry!

Excellence

Nowadays, most people expect excellence when it comes to programming and where they spend their time. And for some, if excellence isn’t found in a church, they will look to find it elsewhere.

Why? As people today, we have so much access to resources and learning that there aren’t many excuses for “lack” these days. Not that you have to have the highest technologies or super creative spaces. But they should be safe, orderly, and your ministry should have very clear guideposts so that there are clear expectations from families from the beginning.

We should have high standards in how we work and what we present in our program.

Communication 

Really, communication in and of itself is not enough. It needs to be quality communication.

There is a tremendous amount of noise in our lives today. We are bombarded more than ever by a consistent stream of gibberish. Our communication is among that noise.

Making our communication stand out, offering it through a variety of channels, and making it consistent, is necessary and expected of us by families. If we are not clear and consistent, our message will be lost.

If you’ve led in ministry for any length of time, you may have received some unusual requests or questions. All of the above are real-life examples I’ve encountered. Some are humorous but all show parents’ desire for support.

Leading in children’s ministry isn’t just about the kids, it’s also supporting and building into parents and volunteers.

Instead of providing specific answers to parents’ most-asked questions, let’s instead dive into HOW we respond to parents’ inquiries.

How to Respond to Parents’ Tough Questions

Often parents are looking for a space to process or a listening ear rather than specific insight. We can provide this by asking follow-up questions or by using reflective listening.

Reflective Listening

With reflective listening, listen to what the parent is saying, then reflect their message back in your own words. For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re confused by your child’s behavior and seeking to better understand how to respond in a healthy and helpful manner.”

Restating what you are hearing helps the parent process their own thoughts.

Ask Follow-Up Questions

By asking follow-up questions, we can help the parent better identify the main issue they are struggling with. Asking follow-up questions also shows that we are empathetic and seeking to understand.

Going straight to definitive answers to their concerns often keeps us from getting to the root of the issue. If parents are questioning our policies or the behavior of a volunteer, we may be tempted to be defensive, which can escalate the emotions of all.

Instead ask a clarifying question like, “It seems that our process for checking kids in has been frustrating for you, and you’d like to brainstorm alternative ideas.”

Identify Key Topics

In working with kids and families for decades and in talking to other ministry leaders, there are a few key topics that are often brought up by parents: death, baptism, and tough convos with kids. Compile a list of resources to help parents with these “hot topics.”

Your church or denomination may have guides on talking to kids about baptism. Check with local grief centers or therapists for support on losing a loved one.

There are many great sites that provide faith-based articles found from resource providers like Ministry Spark and INCM.  Have links ready to send to parents when questions come up.

Parents often feel ill equipped to have tough convos with kids about sex, bullying, or school violence. There are many great articles you can share with parents to give them the confidence to talk WITH their child about any topic.

Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

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Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?

Get ready to help families with their most important task, in our guide from Ministry Spark: 7 Ways to Encourage Today’s Parents as Spiritual Influencers at Home.

Download your free guide

Free Guide

Go to the Bible

What does the Bible say? Dig into the Bible with parents seeking answers to their questions. Look for a Bible study that addresses their concerns.

YouVersion has an enormous library of free Bible studies that you can do with parents—some are as short as five-day studies. Help train parents to go to the Bible to look for insight into many of today’s challenges.

Walk Alongside Parents

Some parents feel so insecure about their ability to tackle difficult topics that they’ll gladly pass that responsibility to you, the ministry leader. It’s important for us to support the parents as the leader in their family.

We do that by equipping them, not by doing the hard stuff for them.

Offer to role play the conversation, develop a few talking points, and be available after the conversation for continued support. A parent once asked me to have the sex talk with their child. Instead we talked about their fear.

Their parents had never had the talk with them, instead leaving it to teachers at school and kids on the bus (most of the information they learned about sex happened on the school bus). This parent had no clue how to start the conversation.

Through role playing, access to Bible-based resources, and a children’s book on sex, the parent felt more confident. They also realized, as with so many tough topics, this wasn’t a one and done. It was a conversation that continued in many little, and sometimes big, moments over the years.

As they would be in a relationship with their child much longer than I would, they realized that they really were the best person to lead their child.

With some coaching and encouragement, they felt empowered and started a beautiful conversation with their kids.

Develop Relationships with Parents

Some leaders ask, “Questions? My parents don’t ask me anything except how early they can drop off their child on Sunday morning.” If you’re reading this thinking, “What’s wrong with me, my parents never ask for feedback or input on anything?” you are not alone. It takes time to develop relationships where parents feel comfortable and know you have resources to help.

Also, Sunday morning is typically hectic, leaving very little space for deep conversation.

If you’d like to build relationships with parents to create spaces for deeper conversation, here are a few ideas:

• Share what you’re learning about the most common topics parents are concerned about. Email articles on topics of interest. Have copies of children’s books on faith, sex, bullying, or other topics available for parents. Kids’ books often teach us how to communicate tough topics in kid-friendly language.
• Be open and vulnerable about your own conversations—especially when they don’t go exactly as planned—with your kids or the kids you are serving. A note of caution: Always protect the stories of others. While the story might be a great learning for parents in your community, don’t break trust to teach others. Always get permission from the parent even if sharing anonymously.
• Provide opportunities to get together with parents outside of the weekend. Grab coffee with a mom or meet a family at a local park in the evening.  If they don’t know you, it’s unlikely they will see you as a trusted resource or valuable support.
• Help parents view other parents as a resource. Other parents who are a little further along in their parenting journey are a great support. Rather than support the parents myself, I would often support them by connecting them with another family who had walked through the same challenge.

You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers

Most importantly, we’re not going to have all the answers.

One of my favorite verses on tough topics is:

Now we see only a dim likeness of things. It is as if we were seeing them in a foggy mirror. But someday we will see clearly. We will see face to face. What I know now is not complete. But someday I will know completely, just as God knows me completely.

1 Corinthians 13:12 NIRV 

When faced with unanswerable questions, this is a verse I hold onto. I am not God, and I do not have all the answers. I’ve even taken my kids into the bathroom and steamed up the mirrors (and have encouraged many parents to do the same).

While I don’t see completely now, I do know that God loves me and will never leave me. (Deuteronomy 31:8) 

I know God is working for good in those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

I hold onto the things I know while admitting that I still don’t understand some of these unimaginable tragedies kids are faced with. In the fog, I can hold onto the truth and point to Jesus, listen with empathy, and provide a safe place to process and be real.

Because in the end, that is much more helpful than any specific answers we can provide.

In the landscape of volunteer-driven ministry, the dedication of these unsung heroes often goes beyond the call of duty. Balancing full-time jobs, familial responsibilities, and invested roles within the church, volunteer leaders face a unique challenge—maintaining healthy boundaries in the whirlwind of their commitments.

The line between passion and overextension can be thin. Healthy boundaries for volunteer staff involve threading the needle between faithful service and personal well-being. It’s about recognizing that ministry is a marathon, not a sprint.

Volunteer leaders must discern when to say ‘yes’ or kindly respond with ‘no’ when it is beyond their capacity, ensuring their service is sustainable and remains joy filled. We’ll explore what it looks like to establish healthy boundaries supported by practical strategies that are rooted in the wisdom from Scripture.

Follow this roadmap to advocate for balance between work and rest.

Volunteer Ministry Leaders: Understanding Healthy Boundaries in Ministry

Self-reflection is key. It is a healthy practice for leaders to regularly assess their emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Are there signs of fatigue or frustration? Identifying these early allows for proactive boundary-setting, ensuring sustained and impactful ministry. 

One main challenge when defining healthy boundaries for volunteer ministry leaders is balancing the ministry’s needs with their capacity to meet those needs. According to a survey done in 2022 by The Do Good Institute of the University of Maryland, nearly 65% of volunteer leaders report an increase in demand for their organizational services and feel overwhelmed due to their multifaceted responsibilities. Setting realistic expectations for staff and volunteers is the first step toward cultivating an environment where everyone can thrive.

For staff, this involves clear communication regarding workloads and regular check-ins to assess stress levels. Volunteers—who are often juggling myriad roles—must understand that it’s okay to say ‘no’ and that their well-being is crucial for longevity and impact. Establishing boundaries in roles and responsibilities is not just practical—it’s essential for playing the long game to build toward lasting change and accomplish set goals.

Staff and volunteers who communicate openly about their boundaries can enjoy more job satisfaction, emphasizing the pivotal role of clear communication in fostering a healthy ministry environment.

Strategies for Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

Let’s get practical. Creating an environment that promotes healthy boundaries requires intentional effort from ministry leaders and volunteers. 

• Open communication: Encourage open communication within teams where volunteer leaders can voice concerns and limitations without fear of judgment. Ask about how they are doing and where they need leadership support. Thank them often and let them know how much they are valued. 

• Structured schedules: Implementing structured schedules and realistic expectations helps volunteers manage their time efficiently. Stress levels can increase when roles are ambiguous. Being clear is kind. Creating structure and clear expectations allows volunteers to commit confidently and enthusiastically.

• Pay attention to signs of burnout: Attuned leaders identify signs of burnout among their team, intervening proactively and offering support when needed. If you notice a volunteer is feeling overwhelmed, ask them how they are doing and in what specific ways they need help. 

• Work hard, rest often: An essential strategy to avoid burnout is creating a culture that values rest. Rest is a physical necessity and a biblical principle. Exodus 20 instructs us to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. When ministries embody this practice, leaders, paid staff, and volunteers follow suit and find health and joy in their serving.

Boundaries are a delicate dance, and missteps can happen. The good thing about a boundary is that it isn’t permanent; it can change. Boundaries can shift if too rigid or too lax. When putting boundaries in place, try to avoid setting unrealistic expectations, overcommitting, or neglecting personal well-being for the sake of ministry. Healthy boundaries strengthen, instead of hindering, our ability to serve effectively.

Avoiding Burnout

Burnout looms when passion turns into exhaustion. To avoid this pitfall, leaders must prioritize self-care. Regularly evaluating workloads, taking breaks, and seeking support are crucial steps. Additionally, nurturing a culture where leaders feel empowered to ask for help ensures that no one bears the burdens of ministry alone.

The Gospel narrative in Luke highlights Jesus withdrawing to solitary places for prayer (Luke 5:16). Encourage volunteers to prioritize rest and engage in stillness, silence, and solitude. A person cannot pour from an empty cup; that is a recipe for burnout. Following the model Jesus set to spend time in quiet with the Father first—to be filled up before pouring out—is an example of a healthy and sustainable ministry practice.

How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

Download your ministry burnout guide

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

There are moments in every leader’s journey that defines whether they move forward or give up. Things happen, life gets hard, and opportunities come and go. Download this guide to be encouraged in your leadership walk with the Lord!

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Beyond the Boundaries: Spiritual Practices for Volunteer Ministry Leaders Wanting Renewal

As we learn to navigate our boundaries and honor the boundaries of those on our teams, it’s crucial to recognize that boundaries go beyond schedules and commitments. Boundaries are an invitation extended to each of us to deepen our trust in God. 

Incorporating spiritual practices into our lives is not just a luxury—it’s necessary for maintainability in ministry.

The busyness of our lives often drowns out the whispers of God. Encouraging volunteer leaders to embrace stillness, silence, and solitude allows them to reconnect with their spiritual core. Creating intentional moments of quiet reflection can be revolutionary in a world where constant connectivity is prized.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

This is not just a suggestion but a command. It is a lifeline for those navigating the complexities of dual relationships of leading in a ministry role. Incorporating stillness into our daily lives is a powerful strategy for maintaining healthy rhythms.

A Journey of Balance

Establishing healthy boundaries is a journey, not a destination. By embracing realistic expectations, fostering open communication, and prioritizing rest and spiritual practices, volunteer ministry leaders and church staff can navigate the complexities of their roles with grace and resilience. Celebrate small victories, learn from challenges, and lean into the supportive community around you.

As leaders and volunteers, let’s continue to lead and serve, incorporating dedication, compassion, and a commitment to a well-balanced life where we work hard and rest often.

Liked this article? Here’s another one from Connie!

Webster defines humility as “freedom from pride” and defines pride as “confidence and satisfaction in oneself.”

Pride.

Our culture tells us that we should look out for number one, and they aren’t referring to the One True God. Our culture tells us that we deserve whatever we want, so, “Go get it!”, even if you must push people out of the way to get there.

We have been deceived to believe that our value comes from things that we work for, like power, position, accumulation of wealth, the biggest Fall Festival to date, a full roster of volunteers, or twenty new baptisms. We believe that the more of these we earn, the prouder we will be.

Your Leadership Matters

Jesus tells us just the opposite. We see clearly in the Gospel of John when Jesus washes the disciples’ feet that humility in leadership matters.

“²The evening meal was being served…³Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵After that, he…began to wash his disciples’ feet.

¹²When he had finished washing their feet… [He said], ¹⁴’Now that I your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.¹⁵I have set you an example that you should follow.’”

John 13:1-15 NIV

Making an Impact in Your Children’s Ministry

Why Your Curriculum Matters and How to Choose the Right One
This guide was created to help you dive into some of the topics facing your ministries today and lead into why your curriculum matters and how to choose the right one depending on your needs.

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How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout

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We learn 4 things about Jesus from this passage.

1. He was a powerful leader.
2. Jesus knew His identity came from God.
3. He served with humility.
4. Jesus wants us to follow His example.

Jesus was a powerful leader, yet He humbly sacrificed Himself to everyone both in His ministry and on the cross. He lived (and died) for others, modeling perfect leadership in His perfect humility. And He called us to do the same.

For most of my life, I also lived for others. Now that may sound deeply spiritual, but in my case, it was all about me. My living for others was not out of humility—it was out of a fear of not being accepted or valued by them.

It wasn’t until I really understood that who I am is not defined by how other people define me, or whether they invite me in. Only Jesus can define me, and He has already invited me in. Understanding that has drastically changed my ability to lead others with humility.

But why do identity and humility impact leadership?

To answer that, let’s go all the way back to Genesis and the fall of Adam and Eve. In Genesis 1:31 it says, “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.” God created it, and He defined it, and “all that He had made” included people; it included you and me, and “it was very good.”

But when we get to Genesis chapter 3, the serpent takes the very words of God and twists them. He told Adam and Eve that if they DID something (ate the fruit) they could become MORE like God … in other words, they could be better. God defined Adam and Eve as very good, but the enemy caused them to question the very identity God had given them and led them (and us) to a life of striving to DO something to BE better.

Let’s look at 2 things regarding leadership in this passage.

1. Satan misled Adam and Eve. His focus was not on the growth and discipleship of Adam and Eve. It was instead all about him and his pride.
2. As soon as Adam and Eve began questioning the identity that God had given them, their leadership went awry. Adam began to blame Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. Adam and Eve’s focus was no longer on the Lord—instead their focus became about them.

What could have been a beautiful discipleship opportunity under a perfect and humble leader became a life of striving. Living a life of striving breeds insecurity which turns our focus on doing instead of being.

We can never DO enough to BE enough.

And sadly, when we transfer that level of insecurity to a position of leadership, it can become self-focused and prideful. Instead of leading and discipling others to benefit the kingdom, our volunteers, our children, or whomever we lead, can be left with no encouragement or growth.

Jesus Gives A Better Way: Humility in Leadership

However, Jesus showed us a better way. Throughout the gospels, we see how Jesus took a disparate group of men, and by His humble leadership and discipleship He built a church that has spread throughout the world and still exists today. He calls us to do the same.

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:19)

But we can’t do it if we are worried about building ourselves up. Understanding who you are in Christ gives you freedom to lead with humility. With humility we spend more time looking out for the people we are leading than worrying about them looking out for us.

Humility is about putting others first and leading them into a growing and deepening relationship with Jesus. Humility is encouraging those you lead to develop and use the skills God has given them.

Each of us has the power through Jesus to lead with humility. What are some ways we can do that?

A Humble Leader:

• knows when to ask for help
• focuses on growing and developing those they are leading
• gives credit where credit is due
• gracefully receives constructive criticism
• champions those they lead
• listens
• takes time to care for their people
• shows grace when mistakes are made
• is actively pursuing their relationship with Jesus
• seeks wisdom from the Lord through prayer and Scripture
• knows that leadership puts people above process

Are you a humble leader who lives in the freedom of knowing that your identity comes from Jesus? Remember that He created you, and He says, “It is very good!”

More on Leadership

• Navigating Anxiety in Children’s Ministry: When You Have Anxiety as a Leader
• Our Leadership Skills Grow as We Learn to Shepherd
• Keys to Successfully Starting Out in a New Leadership Role
• How to Manage Change in Your Ministry
• Interview: The Importance of Caring for Your Soul in the Midst of Everything Else